All Our Ordinary Stories

by Saily Marrero

Geared toward mature audiences, Teresa Wong’s second graphic memoir explores immigration, language, history, family as well as medical topics like stroke, mental health, and trichotillomania. Apart from a brief introductory note on language, the author does not provide further resources.

Wong writes, “the distance I feel from my parents might be not only a result of our specific circumstances, but also an inherited fracture. A family history of separation” (p. 167).  This separation is also visually expressed by how the panels and words are arranged throughout its pages. When the author is unable to express or inquire about her mother’s feelings after the stroke, we see a visual distance between Wong and her mother – each of them is drawn in separate panels, one at the top of the page, the other at the bottom, and with plenty of blank space in between (p. 23). 

Later, on page 181, we see Wong and her mother watching the 1993 film adaptation of The Joy Luck Club on the couch, however they are distributed across two separate panels despite it being the same room, the same TV, and the same couch. This separation is drawn literally to show how differently they react to the movie. For the author the movie meant a lot, however her mother simply claims, “this movie isn’t very interesting” and goes to bed early. This visual separation is seen throughout the memoir to convey the emotional, verbal, physical, and historical distance she feels with her parents.

Similar to other graphic memoirs like The Best We Could Do by Thi Bui and And Now I Spill the Family Secrets by Margaret Kimball, Wong’s book is part memoir, part family history. It’s this family history that continues to affect later generations well into adulthood. In “Forefathers”, the author explains how the 1923 Chinese Exclusion Act restricted entry to people of Chinese origin effectively separating many families (p 146). For her family, this meant her father grew up without his father, and while it’s never explained how it affected him personally, it must have influenced his concept of family and fatherhood to some degree. In some ways, he was absent despite being physically there. According to Wong, her father tried to be a “family man” (p. 208) but ultimately, “he never cared for family” (p. 205) and stopped being involved in his children’s lives.  This shows how laws and family history can continue to impact people and families for generations. In the end, the author concludes she is “A child of survivors, many generations back… knowing that most of it will never be fixed. And to find out what I’m capable of despite – or because of – it all. I will keep making adaptations” (p. 231 – 232). She comes to accept the distant and imperfect relationship she has with her parents while acknowledging that she can change with the hopes of having a better relationship with her own children. 

Apart from immigration and her family’s history, Wong also discusses her mother’s recovery from a stroke, her own mental health, and her experience with trichotillomania (or hair-pulling disorder). According to the Mayo Clinic, trichotillomania or hair-pulling disorder is a mental health condition which involves the frequent and repeated urge to pull out hair from ones scalp, eyebrows, or other areas of the body (Mayo Clinic, 2024). Teresa developed this habit when she was 10 started pulling out the coarser strands of hair until she had a “tiny bald patch” (p.188). Despite now having a bald spot, Wong states “it felt clean and smooth, like I had accomplished something good. Creating order from disorder” (p.189). All of her behaviors coincide with what we know of trichotillomania – it begins between the ages of 10-13, people get a sense of pleasure after, and people pull specific type of hair (Mayo Clinic, 2024). Although her mother notices the hair loss, Teresa does not receive the correct medical attention like receiving therapy, instead a doctor prescribes an ointment and haircut, which only made the bald patch more noticeable (p. 189). While we know she began hiding her bald patch, we don’t know if she continued to pull her hair, or how long this behavior continued, or if she sought a more effective treatment.

Another medical topic the author explores is her mother’s stroke recovery. As explained by the doctor, “The stroke was minor, so she should make a full recovery” with both at home physiotherapy and occupational therapy (p. 20). This is in line with what Dr. Raghavan from John Hopkins Medicine recommends –  “Starting rehabilitation as soon as possible after the cause of the stroke is treated is vital in stroke recovery” (Raghavan, 2024). Patients might experience trouble speaking, weakness, depression, fatigue, and trouble sleeping in the aftermath of a stroke, all of which Wong’s mother experiences (Raghavan, 2024). It’s not only difficult for the patient who suffered the stroke, but their caregivers. In Wong’s case, she was caring for her mother and welcoming a new baby. In one instance, we see her nursing her newborn at the same time as she’s making phone calls and appointments on behalf of her mother (p. 24). Eventually she withdraws as her mother’s caretaker citing her newborn and mental health as reasons for withdrawing. This is an example of the immense toll caregivers take on when a family member gets sick.

In this graphic memoir, language is barrier between the author, her parents, extended family, and even culture, however it becomes a pressing matter after her mother’s stroke. This begins with Wong translating the doctor’s words for her mother; however, her Cantonese is lacking, and in her words, “lousy” (p. 20). This is one of the many reasons why interpreters should be used instead of allowing a patient’s family to translate in medical settings, (Speroff, 2024). Other reasons include risk of misinterpretation, lack of knowledge of medical terminology, protect their loved one from bad news, as well as the burden put on them as the translator (Speroff, 2024). Her poor Cantonese makes her mother’s recovery more difficult when Wong is unable to effectively communicate with her mother about her needs outside of the hospital, admitting she “didn’t have the right words to help her” (p. 22). By this she meant she couldn’t adequately talk to her mother about her feelings or mental health in the stroke’s aftermath.

REFERENCES

Mayo Clinic. (2024). Trichotillomania (hair-pulling disorder) – Symptoms and causes. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved September 16, 2024 from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/trichotillomania/symptoms-causes/syc-20355188

Raghavan, P. (2024, 2024-01-10). Stroke Recovery Timeline. John Hopkins Medicine. Retrieved September 16, 2024 from https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/stroke/stroke-recovery-timeline

Speroff, Y. (2024, January 25, 2023). Professional Medical Interpreters, Not Family Members. EthnoMed. Retrieved 2024 from https://ethnomed.org/resource/professional-medical-interpreters-not-family-members/

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Saily Marrero, M.S.I. is the Nursing & Health Studies, Psychology, and Biology Librarian at the University of Miami. She enjoys reading Graphic Novels and Romance.