How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual

Guest Review by Maren Kyle

How to be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess is a charmingly illustrated coming-of-age story about being asexual and learning about what that meant for the author as they grew up and began to navigate platonic and romantic relationships. Each chapter tells part of the author’s story, from high school through young adulthood, and then ends with an infographic or vignette that covers terminology, pride flags, pop culture representation, and microaggressions. For example, early on Burgess defines asexuality (Ace for short) as “having a lack of sexual attraction.”  There is also a page of resources in the back.

Teen and adult fans of memoir comics will appreciate Burgess’s story and their honesty about connecting with an identity that is still not accepted by the larger culture. Allosexual readers (that is, not asexual) will gain empathy for the difficulties that an asexual person has in navigating socially in a world that is not set up for them. Burgess describes many encounters with friends and acquaintances who are skeptical that foregoing sex can be seen as normal or that a romantic relationship without sex is possible. Ace readers will undoubtedly recognize some of their own struggles in Burgess’s story.

Throughout the book, Burgess also discusses what appears to be obsessive compulsive disorder, although it is never named as such, and a lot of the story is dedicated to their struggle with pervasive routines. They talk about needing to get dressed in a specific order, having rules about which way to lie in the bed at what times during the night, and other habits as coping mechanisms for dealing with constant anxiety. No resources or info pages are dedicated to this, although Burgess is shown talking with a therapist and confiding in their mother about the problem, resulting in management of the symptoms.

Other topics take the backseat, understandably, in this book. Burgess has autism, which is not dealt with directly besides a mention of not making eye contact with peers. They talk about having a phobia of vomiting, although this is mentioned only briefly and readers interested in this would do well to pick up Guts by Raina Telgemeier, which deals in depth with that fear.

One of the primary struggles that ace people face is a lack of representation in our culture. Many people are not even aware that the asexual orientation exists and many that do dismiss it. Burgess confronts these issues head on in the book, and the book itself advances the representation that is so needed.

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Maren Kyle is an Outreach Librarian in Rochester, NY who enjoys Graphic Memoirs, Science Fiction, and Bubble Tea.