Past Tense – Facing Family Secrets and Finding Myself in Therapy

by Liz Argall

Contains confronting topics in a sensitive, non-graphic way, including sexual assault, incest, and CSA.

Summary

Sacha Mardou and her family went through some pretty awful shit that they endured in a stoic, push your feelings down kind of way. Despite a profoundly destabilizing childhood, Mardou has worked to make a pretty impressive life for herself. She’s an acclaimed cartoonist, has a loving husband and an adorable child. So why, with all this going on, does she find herself crushed by anxieties, suddenly plagued by midlife acne and fears for her kid?

She tries a variety of treatments until her acupuncturist (who has seen how the release of acupuncture can make her sob) gently suggests therapy. This a startling and confronting idea for someone from a stoic, working-class British family who has a deep-seated distrust of mental health treatment.

Through the support of therapists, analysis empowered by Integrated Family Systems (IFS), her journaling and hard work, Mardou is able to understand her family of origin, her trauma and the trauma of family members in a way that brings new compassion to herself and others. She attends to the work of healing and is able to live life more joyfully, less fearfully, and, spoiler alert, even her acne clears up.

Experience of the Story

https://www.patreon.com/posts/114958101 (created by reviewer)

I’m a sucker for a good opening quote in a book, and Mardou delivered. “I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” – Louisa May Alcott, followed by “Old keys won’t open new doors” – English saying.

Thinking of those words and looking at the table of contents I breathe a sigh of relief. In writer circles I am known for my loving, yet blunt critiques. I don’t mean to be harsh, but I believe in the power of story so much I can fall into that territory. From the first page onwards, I feel like I’m in safe hands. I can feel something expand in me as I observe the panel composition, warmth of illustration, spacing and timing.

This book is beautifully paced, and the way therapy sessions are used to take us backwards in time and through the story is very clever. There are a few moments of discovery that disrupted my perceptions wonderfully and helped me see previous events in a new light. A realization from the protagonist and suddenly the first half of the book isn’t just about her dad and the shenanigans that surrounded him. The first section of the book is also about her mother in that there is such an absence of her mother. Once Mardou lets go of the shadow of her dad, she can get into the business of living in the now and explore relationships with people that are still part of her life.

If you’re therapy curious, Mardou does a great job of showing her own hesitations and resistances.

“Therapy? …

I’m British, we don’t do therapy [p.42].”

For those who have done therapy there are bound to be moments where we chuckle at ourselves, and feel seen in the way she analyzes sessions before and after.

There is power in the specific and the intimate that take us to bigger, more universal stories. I would like to hug her therapist for suggesting she create a book and journal about her experiences.

It’s wonderful to see how this book gently shows a range of useful and healthy skills, including transferring to another therapist, when you feel stuck. I’ve often said that physical and mental therapists are a bit like primary school teachers, you’ll learn so much about yourself from them, but it’s normal and natural to go on to different teachers to learn other things. It’s good to see this modeled.

It’s a testament to this book that I paused several times in my binge to do some journaling myself. Taking a breath to reflect on past familial and therapeutic relationships. This book held space for difficult feelings so gracefully that it helped to give breath and softness to my own, somewhat different, psychological challenges. And isn’t that one of the best things a book can do? Hold space, provide interesting provocations, insights and empathy for experiences that are not your own, but are part of a larger human story.

I highly recommend this book to people who have done therapy (this includes therapists, all therapists should be doing therapy), are thinking of doing therapy or have trauma they’d rather not talk about.

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Liz Argall’s work has appeared in multiple outlets, including Uncanny Magazine, Strange Horizons, Meanjin, and Antipodes; A Global Journal of Australian/New Zealand Literature. She contributed to multiple roleplaying games, including Geist 2nd Edition and 13th Age, and is a strong proponent of the healing power of play. Her webcomic Thingswithout.com (a thinking person’s whimsy, a hug when you need it), touches on many topics close to Graphic Medicine. You can see a more diverse range of her work at https://www.patreon.com/c/lizargall (there’s even a free tier you can subscribe to). Liz lives in Seattle, but her heart misses the big silly birds of Australia.